Healthy Conflicts: Creating Space for Open, Honest, and Respectful Conversations
"Nobody likes conflict, but sweeping things under the rug ultimately causes more damage than addressing things directly." —Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T.
In any organization, conflict is inevitable. However, healthy conflict, marked by mutual respect and open communication, can be very constructive. It allows for productive disagreements and fosters a culture where everyone feels heard and valued. When approached correctly, conflict can lead to better decision-making, authenticity, and a more enjoyable work environment.
Healthy conflict involves more than just airing grievances. It’s about engaging in a dialogue where different perspectives are respected and considered. When individuals feel safe to express their views, it leads to richer discussions and more innovative solutions. Challenging ideas and decisions can help expand our mindsets and improve work outcomes.
One significant benefit of healthy conflict is that it encourages authenticity. When we feel empowered to speak up about what matters to us, we bring our full selves to work. This authenticity fosters a deeper connection among colleagues, enhancing trust and collaboration. When there is trust, everyone is more likely to lean in and solve shared challenges together, creating a cohesive team environment where each person is accountable and aligned toward the same goals.
Despite these benefits, fear often holds us back from engaging in healthy conflict. Fear of negative outcomes, the unknown, and personal repercussions can paralyze us. Yet, as Viktor Frankl wisely noted, "We have absolutely no control over what happens to us in life, but we have paramount control over how we respond to those events."
Understanding the root causes of conflict is crucial. Conflicts can stem from differing goals, personality clashes, divergent perspectives, communication styles, ignorance, discrimination, power dynamics, or organizational changes. Recognizing these sources helps in addressing them more effectively.
It's important to address conflicts promptly rather than letting them fester. Unresolved conflicts can manifest in defensiveness, contemptuous tones, negative body language, passive aggressiveness, stonewalling, and criticism. Addressing conflicts head-on, always and without delay, is essential for maintaining a healthy work environment.
When dealing with conflict, it's helpful to follow a structured approach.
Consider Your “Why”: Consider whether you are raising the conflict to blame or to share and seek resolution. Ask yourself if you are open to other perspectives and willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Are you aiming for a specific outcome, and is it within your control?
Know Your Counterpart: Prepare for the conversation by understanding the other person and anticipating their reactions. Recall positive interactions to approach the conflict with empathy.
Establish an Empathetic Connection: Clearly state your intention and what it is not. Share the issue's nature, its impact on your values or feelings, and provide context. And importantly, express your hopes and fears about the conflict's outcomes.
Your Turn to Listen: Ask how the other person experienced the conflict and how their values or feelings were impacted. Use open body language and avoid dominating the physical space.
Seek to Understand: Ask curious questions to understand the other person's perspective and validate your understanding by reflecting on their feelings and thoughts.
Get to Work: Collaborate, compromise, or accommodate to find a joint solution. Then, discuss how you will hold each other accountable.
Debrief: Reflect on the conflict from a new perspective, acknowledging lessons learned and deeper issues. It’s important to jointly commit to improving the relationship based on the experience.
These seven steps provide an ideal structure; however, conflicts won't always follow a script. When tensions escalate or the other person reacts emotionally, stay calm, be curious, and acknowledge their feelings. If the other person stonewalls, recognize it as a defense mechanism and create a safe space for dialogue. When conflicts contradict your values, communicate the impact and seek mutually beneficial solutions. If there is no follow-up, address the unresolved conflict with transparency and curiosity, reiterating the importance of taking agreed-upon actions.
By embracing open, honest, and respectful conversations, we create a more inclusive and effective workplace where everyone thrives.
If you’d like to learn more about our approach to conflict management, contact us at info@sensenous.ca